Dear Ijeawele by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
You might know Nigerian born Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie from her award winning fiction, like her stand out novel Americanah.
Or you might know her from Beyoncé’s song Flawless, which samples some of Adichie’s TED Talk, “We Should All Be Feminists.”
If you are interested in cosmetics, you probably know she has been a spokesperson for one of Britain’s biggest brands, Boots No. 7.
In other words, she has transcended her formidable status as a literary sensation to that of a public intellectual, feminist inspiration and all around rock star for women of all ages and colors. She is a remarkably intelligent and confident woman. When I recently surveyed a group of high school girls about her, the accolades were glowing, ranging from “Brilliant, inspiring, a trailblazer, insightful, wise, unapologetic, to our queen.”
Her new slim volume, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, in some sense is a follow up to her TED talk that was turned into a book (a popular graduation present for many). In this volume she addresses the issue of how to raise a feminist, at the request of a friend who has just given birth to a daughter.
Adichie herself is a relatively new mother of a young girl and she brings to this volume, a depth and contemplation about how to achieve the goal, we should all be feminists, set out in her earlier volume.
At a recent DC event for Dear Ijeawele, a sold out audience of different ages, races and even genders came to hear her speak and she didn’t disappoint. In the age of hashtag sloganeering, she takes us deeper, providing context for everything she recommends.
This is a book written by a woman, for a woman who is the mother of a daughter. Yet it would be a mistake to think of it as a book for and by women. The lessons are universal and the father of every daughter would do well to take heed.
It’s also written from an African perspective, but again, that perspective is transferable across cultures. As an Indian woman there is so much she brings up that is recognizeable to me and the culture I grew up in, where the birth of a son was somehow seen as more of an achievement than the birth of a daughter.
And this is the genius of Adichie, as someone who has straddled cultures her whole adult life, she manages to speak across cultures and produce a wonderfully universal manifesto and that transcends bumper sticker aphorisms.
In 15 conversational lessons she outlines what to look out for, how to be vigilant as a mother, to the world around her daughter and how to respond to it.
“Teach a Girl to Read” may seem obvious to a western reader, but in many societies, when use of limited resources favor boys, many girls may not go to school. But it is not (only) the school book reading that Adichie emphasizes, it is reading of any kind that will ‘help her understand and question the world, help her express herself, and help her in whatever she wants to become…I do not mean schoolbooks. I mean books that have nothing to do with school, autobiographies and novels and histories.”
“The idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense.” Here lies a universal message to push back against society's straightjacket for our girls, from the tyranny of pink versus blue, to gendered toys to who does the cooking. These ideas are all circumscribed by societal norms and are ripe for change.
One of my favorite themes is her contention that “feminism is not conditional” and that we should ignore feminism lite. Any society that uses language that deems women are “allowed” to do something (by the men in their life) should be rejected. “Our world is full of men and women who do not like powerful women. We have been so conditioned to think of power as male that a powerful woman is an aberration. And so she is policed.”
Society’s reaction to work for women is another reflection of this same perspective, that women’s real work is domestic work, child rearing, cooking, cleaning and that work outside the home is somehow lesser or extra. “Do not define yourself solely by motherhood” and quoting American journalist Marlene Sanders advises “Never apologize for working. You love what you do, and loving what you do is a great gift to give your child.”
Don’t mistake a breezy 63 pages for something that lacks heft. Long after you read the book, you will find yourself coming back to it. Underlining passages, recognizing the ways big and small that women are treated differently. It is that recognition that is the first step in growing a feminist.
As the mother of two young adult daughters I applaud Adichie for asking us to question how society treats girls and that we must question that treatment if we are to make change. Reject likeability, that’s a recommendation that works for a female of any age. “If she likes makeup, let her wear it. If she likes fashion, let her dress up…Feminism and femininity are not mutually exclusive.”
At a time when the use of the term feminist is questioned, Adhichie provides a very simple rejoinder “Being a feminist is like being pregnant. You either are or you are not. You either believe in the full equality of men and women or you do not.” This is a book that should be required reading for all.
BEFORE YOU READ
Length: 63 pages
Genre: non-fiction
Themes: Feminism, Motherhood, child-rearing, women
Commitment: very short read, very deep resonance
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